Life

Life is interesting. Some days it seems like it just goes by without any events and then all of the sudden, BOOM! Your not sure which way is up and which way is down. I have found that I seem to be set in my ways. I never thought that I was black and white before, but I guess I am. I think there is a permanent line drawn that cannot be moved, but I guess it can. My fears and believes are my filters and all this time I thought I was going through life just fine. Now that I am being challenged, it is hard. It is hard looking at yourself as being in the box, black and white, not a risk taker, wound tight or even boring. I guess when I look at my life and how I react to things, it is true. I don't like taking risks for fear I will lose everything I have worked so hard to have. (nothing illegal) I am spontaneous, but not in the way most people are I guess. I like being home safe inside my walls. I have figured out that me changing my way of thinking is like trying to pick away at at concrete. It is major construction.

I want to learn to be more outgoing and not so confined. I need to figure out how to live for the moment and forget about the past and the future because I cannot change the past and the future hasn't happened yet. Of course, I am not going to just keep my door unlocked at night to let any stranger come in and wonder why I was robbed or worse. I just need to live each day as if it were my last, because it could be. I am so worried about worrying, that I have forgotten how to live. Pretty sad really.

So I need to work on my fears, reduce my stress, exercise, get with nature, RELAX! This is my goal. This is what I need to do for me and the people I love.

I think I am rambling, but oh well. Not like this will be published in any self-help book. :)

Hives!

Well I started getting hives yesterday and they have now spread around my ears, inside my ears, down my neck and chest. My throat feels a little tight so I stayed at home today taking Benadryl all day. Pretty much tired me out the entire day. I think I am starting to feel better. I am just not sure. I couldn't get into the doctor and they suggested I go into the ER. Yeah, no. I don't think it is that bad yet. Not really sure what I did differently because my eating and everything else has not changed. I guess when you start getting closer to 40 everything starts to wear out. :) Wow, it's hard to believe I am getting close to 40. That is crazy talk right there! Who'd a thunk? Not me! Didn't think I live to see 21.

newby

My sister started a blog and I thought I would follow suit. Don't be to suprised if I don't update it that often since my life is pretty much the same day in, day out. However, since I started dating Laura she keeps me out of my house. I think in the last 3 weeks I have done more than I have in my lifetime! Either she likes to be around me, or she is trying to kill me. I am totally out of my comfort zone since I like to be in the security of my house and she is an on the go type of girl. If she is not working her two jobs she is wanting to hang out with her friends or outside doing something.